Monday, December 27, 2010
Hard Choices
Life if full of choices. Some are hard and some are easy. It is amazing to know that everyday we make probaly over 100 choices a day. We make the choice of what we are going to wear, we make the choice of going to work or calling in sick (playing hoockey), we make the choice of what to have to for dinner, lunch, I am sure that you get my drift. One of the hardest choices that I had to make was the choice not to have any children. Of course I was not alone in this choice. My husband and I talked and talked about it just about every night for a few years. Knowing that I could pass NF down to my child scared me and also knowing that if my child did have it they could be worse off then I am. What I went through growing up (the surgeries and the teasing) was enough for me to not want to make an innocent child go through that. Are my husband and I selfish? Some people think yes, that we should've taken the chance and see what happens, and some do not blame us for the choice. Am I sad that I can't have children? Yes I am at times. But in a lot of ways my void is filled for the fact that I work at a day care with wonderful children. There are times where I wish I could take them home and cuddle them and what not and then there are times where I am so happy to part company for the night- LOL. What gets me upset is that there are a lot of people who have children that should not of even had kids. Either becuase they are just horrible people and there are parents that their career comes first. Are these people insane. I understand that parents need to work, but if you know before having a child that you are going to be dropping your child(ren) off at a day care for 12 hours a day- then DO NOT HAVE A CHILD YET! I am the one that is seeing them grow and learn, and talk. I have also seen a child's first words and first steps. Shouldn't the parent see that. Also I have children call me "mama", and of course I correct them. But picture it, a child gets dropped off at 630am and gets picked up a 530pm-600pm. Child goes homes, has dinner, a bath and by now it is say around 730-800, time to go to bed. REALLY?? So the parent got to spend what an hour and a half with their child and the day care worker spent 12 hours. Is it me or is there something wrong with this picture?
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Hi Jacki
ReplyDeleteI have NF1 too (1 am 44 diagnosed at 22 though many in my family have it started with my grandfather who lived to 75).
I just wanted to say hi.
Tough choices indeed. I am so sorry you have to endure NF1 as well.
I could write a book on my choices. I don't regret them but they are always on my mind.
I totally understand where you are coming from both on the decision not to have children and the wondering about children raised by 'daycare' or abusers.
Take care Trish
Great job Jacki! God gives us the ability to choose, sometimes we make the right choice, sometimes we don't, but that's part of living. Imagine how boring life would be if we all did the same thing everyday! Great blog!
ReplyDeleteLove you,
UC
I'm so sorry for what you are going through personally. It is not easy to make the decision whether or not to take that chance, and for that, I feel for you. However, you need to realize that there are parents out there that decided together to bring a child into this worked, sometimes-one leaves, dies, what have you, and the other is left with the responsibility of being a mother and a father to this child, or in some cases, children. Some people can have it all and lose it all in an instant by no choice or action of their own. Some people lose their higher paying jobs and have to settle for a less than adequate paying job to get by for their families. What I'm getting at is there are so many extenuating circumstances that could cause a parent to have to work one or 2 jobs just to get by and NEED you. these people PAY YOU and TRUST YOU to BE that temporary surrogate parent, they ask you to mold their children-THEIR pride and joy-the whole reason they are working their asses off in the first place. You should not be knocking these parents to make yourself feel better, or worse-whatever. Sorry about your disease, but for real, be grateful you can be a part of it all..
ReplyDeleteHello Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI totally understand where you are coming from and if I came across as knocking these parents I am sorry. I was not meaning to knock anyone. I know there are parents out there who are single moms or dads and what not. And I understand that they are paying me to watch their child and I love the fact that they have that kind of trust with me. There are however, children that I watch that both parents work fourteen hour days and three of those parents work from home, and I completley understand that having a child stay home with you while you work is very impossible. These parents that work the long hours, in some ways I feel that it is because they want to more so than they have to. Also for the parent(s) who are in an "extenuating situation", why do some of them keep having children, one right after the other. I know of a parent who is on a very tight budget, single mom to two kids (two different dads- neither is in the picture) and now is pregnant again. That is what really pisses me off, it is like ok, enough is enough. Do not put another child in a situation like this, you are already putting two children through it.
Hey Jacki,
ReplyDeleteI have known you since you were a girl, going through the surgeries, and having to be in a wheelchair. I remember you not being able to go outside with the other children to have recess. Instead, I remember I would stay inside that classroom with you and we'd have lunch and color those stickers! I still look for those in the store, and think of you every time. I remember you did have a hard time with a lot of things, including pain and teasing. I have not seen you for many years, so I do not know what you go through on a day to day basis. But, I do know that making the best decision for you and your husband should not be judged. And, for people to understand what you have been through, and what you could possibly pass down to a child, is almost impossible.
I am happy for you, that you have found a place you love to be each day. And, you get to share your love and nurturing with these small children every day. Your presence there will always leave a mark on their special little lives. Keep up the good work Jacki!
Amy Coiro (Roderick)
Jacki-
ReplyDeleteNot having children must have been a very hard choice to make. I'm 27, living with NF1. I got pregnant when I was 18. I was on birth control, but the other meds I was on must have messed it up. My son who is now 8yrs old also has NF1. I knew the chances that my baby could have NF, but I wasn't going to have an abortion. I hate the fact that he is going to go through everything I went through and continue to go through. I feel so guilty. I cry often. It's painful and my heart aches everyday knowing I passed NF on to him. He is my pride and joy though and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. I love kids. I have always wanted 2 or 3. Since my son was born and has NF, I have gotten my tubes tied. I couldn't put another child through NF. I love my little man to death though.
Amy